Sunday, July 25, 2010

In Regards to "Baby #2"

My son Hayden is 3-years-old. Before my husband, Randy, and I had children we envisioned ourselves having 2 kids, two years a part. Obviously that hasn’t happened, and it isn’t going to. And that is by choice. It isn’t that we have been trying and have been unsuccessful. Trust me. We have not been trying.

The truth is that after having Hayden and actually experiencing motherhood, I realized I couldn’t do it: have two little ones so close together in age. My disposition doesn’t seem to fit with that family composition, at least from my point of view.

I decided that I needed more time. I needed Hayden to be older… and so we have waited. I feel like I am almost ready, but not quite. I’m just not in a good place to have another baby. Maybe I will be there in a few months. Maybe I won’t, but hopefully I will.

My sweet husband is getting antsy though. He seems to be getting a bit uncomfortable with the obvious gap in age separation that will exist between Hayden and this theoretical “baby #2.”

And while I do see his point and agree that the gap is getting bigger (by the day), this isn’t something I can compromise on.

I am just not ready to have another baby right now.

Here is my “problem” though… I feel guilty for feeling this way. I feel guilty for not being ready to have another child.

And I admit that I too worry about the age gap that is inevitably going to exist between Hayden and his supposed sibling.
I worry that I’ll never feel ready. I worry that I won’t be able to handle being a mother to two children. I worry that we won’t have enough space. I worry that we won’t have enough money. I just worry.

But at the end of the day, I know that it will work out as it is intended. And for poor Randy’s sake, hopefully things will come to fruition soon.

I'm a 28-year-old stay-at-home mom to my son, Hayden (D.O.B.: 1.23.07). I've been married for 7 years to my lovely husband, Randy... who is now a wonderful father. We live with our other baby, our 4-year-old shih-tzu, Alfie. I am a total t.v. addict, I am a major introvert (although since having Hayden I have become more outgoing), and I love walking on my treadmill... I am rather odd, but that's okay... I mean, aren't we all?
Melissa Melner's blog is My Life and How It's Going


  1. Thanks for letting me guest post! I hpoe people enjoy my take on having another baby... maybe I can get some good advice? That would be fabulous!

  2. From a baby boomer who is way past having kids, but has 3 adult children, I think postponing is OK!!! I didn't intend waiting 7 1/2 yrs. after my daughter's birth to have another (I suffered a miscarriage when she was in kindergarten), but when my son was two, I became pregnant with my second daughter. It was a miserably ill pregnancy and it was more than I could do to take care of him--I had very little help-He was almost 3 when she was born. I was recovering from a difficult pregnancy and second C-section
    surgery in less than 3 yrs. I was OVERWHELMED to say the least!!! In retrospect, I think 4 or 5 years is a great age difference between siblings--less rivalry and you have more time with the new arrival while the older one is in school. Just my two cents worth!lol

  3. I think I would feel the same way.. in reality I want my kids to be semi-close in age, but I dont think I would be ready either. Hopefully in the end it all works out for you and Randy. On the plus side, at least Hayden probably enjoys the one-on-one attention. And at least when you are ready, he will probably be in school which might make it easier.

  4. Completely understandable! Mine are 2 years apart but the youngest kind of took us by surprise:)

  5. You will know when it is time. The fact that you feel not ready proves it. And no need to feel guilty. I know it is easier said than done. But really you don't need to feel guilty. Great post

  6. Everyone is different and while in many ways it is ideal to have children very close together in age (get all the baby stuff out the way, odds are higher they will play together and be friends) the reasons for doing so are not enough to make you do that if it is not right for you. The big advantage you have is your age, time is on your side and there are also lots of advantages to having children who are further apart in age that you will get to experience, like having one on one time with the second when Hayden is at school and getting to enjoy the baby stage totally separately from Hayden's.

  7. There are benefits and disadvantages to both waiting, and not waiting, to having an only and having multiples. Ultimately, you do what's right for you :) No further explanation needed!
    Loved this post from you!

  8. I have my kids an average of 4-5 years apart...and I enjoy it! My youngest will be born in November and his older brother will be 5 and sister will be 10. Then his brother will turn 6 in January...crazy times at our house!

    My sil is having kids that will be 12 months apart...on purpose!! CRAZINESS!!

    I am a firm believer in that if God wants me to have more children, he will give them to me...and I have to ask for grace even now...he knows what I need!